On the occasion of the International Happiness day we all have a chance to do some brainstorming on the very fundamental concept: Is happiness depended on external things or is it an independent choice? Let’s check our belief systems by doing a simple exercise i.e. fill in the blank:
If ____________, then I’ll be happy.
And while doing this exercise notice that most of the matter with which you’ll fill in the blank will be centered around the below mentioned three things.
1) If my relationships run smoothly, I’ll be happy.
Till date we’ve always tried to make others happy, because we thought when they will be happy, only then I will be happy. When we do something for others, let us admit that we choose to do it because they matter to us! And that is the primary reason why we are doing it for ourselves, then we will be happy. Whereas, our happiness is completely independent from people around us. Neither can anyone make you happy, nor can you make anyone happy.
Only when we want to do it for ourselves, is when we become happy. Understand this thing that no one is responsible for your experience of hurt, pain, fear or anger. It is your own creation in response to their behavior. They act, and you react! In reality, you always have another choice i.e. to react without hurt, pain, fear or anger. So, let us choose to change how we think, feel and then try to be in every relationship. And soon we’ll notice a magical change.
2) If I get entertainment from materialistic objects, I’ll be happy
Another common misconception that we carry in our head is that happiness is dependent on material objects. Such as our possessions, gadgets and other luxuries of life. This belief is not real; all these materialistic objects can only offer us physical comfort. And physical comfort is very different from emotional comfort.
Happiness is directly associated to emotional comfort as it is a feeling. Happiness can only be created internally and not by physical comfort offered by materialistic objects. What we actually do is, we create an illusion using the material objects around us, by using them as a stimulus to generate a response i.e. Happiness. But, in reality, the response is our choice. Different people can create different responses, using the same stimulus.
3) If I achieve what I wish to, I’ll be happy
Many people also believe that Happiness is not based on achievement. It is not a destination; it is the journey. Happiness is a state of being. It is created while working towards the goal, not a feeling that is to be experienced after achieving the goal.
So, as you can observe by performing the above mentioned exercise that, Happiness is a choice. We consciously or unconsciously choose to be happy. Our happiness is not dependent on anything unless and until we tame it to be so.
• If we associate our happiness to our partner’s behavior, we’d always feel – If he/she is behaving nicely with me, I’d be happy.
• If we associate our happiness to materialistic things, we’d always feel – If I buy a big house, I’d be happy. Not before that, not after that.
• If we associate our happiness to achievements, we’d always feel – If I get a promotion from my workplace, I’d be happy.
We should consciously stop thinking in this manner and make our happiness a free and independent choice and only then it will be as easily accessible to us, as the oxygen around us.